Paranoia

paranoia runs in my family. At least that's what I tell myself to make myself feel better...
Collin has been having some congestion problems. It's either a cold or allergies and I can't tell which one. So I have an appointment with the doctor in 13 hours. Yes, the countdown has begun. The countdown has begun because as you can see by the time of this post - it is late. Midnight to be exact. And sleep is not to be found as of yet. Every time I walk around holding Collin up on my shoulder and he falls to sleep and then I try to lay him down, he will lay there asleep for a little while (very little while) and then start to squirm and fuss and wake up from being uncomfortable. I am now in my living room on the couch while Collin is asleep in the swing. The one and only place that he will sleep today -apparently. Unless we are driving around in the car (and since driving while drowsy is proven to be worse than drinking and driving I will remain on my couch). The poor little guy's eyes are red and watering. His nose can be runny at times and yet when I try to suck anything out of it I barely get anything at all. When he breathes it sounds like snorting, piggy noises, with the occasional cough. Thing is - I've been trying really hard to figure out if it gets worse when we are home (can it be the cat?), if we are outside (maybe seasonal allergies - in a 3 month old??), or if there's any change at all. Honestly I can't tell. Which means Jasmine has a good chance of not changing homes for now. Which as big as I talk would crush the children so it's a good thing I guess. So I continue to sit here, because my paranoia worries me that if I fall asleep and he needs me cause he can't breathe well enough I won't wake up from being so tired to notice. I know that's probably a very poor, run-on sentence that doesn't lead to any type of good feelings but my chest feels better getting it off of it. Now you know my secret. This isn't the only thing that keeps me up at night. But it's the only one I'm sharing at the moment. Goodnight to all you lucky ducks catching some Zzzzz's.